What my wife whispered in my ear in bed made me recoil in disgust... she thinks it's the ultimate turn on but I just can't do that to her: DEAR JANE
Dear Jane,
My wife and I recently got married and, in a bid to keep the bedroom exciting after our honeymoon period, we started trying some new things.
It was all going very well... until the other night.
We were in bed and she leaned in close and started what I can only assume was her version of 'dirty talk.' And that's when it all went wrong.
She started referring to herself as the third person - worse, she started calling herself 'mommy.'
I immediately recoiled in disgust. I don't find pet names attractive, especially not when they remind me of my own mother.
She told me that it turns her on and she even asked me to refer to her as 'mommy' in the bedroom.
The thought of doing so is utterly repulsive. I did try it, for her sake, but it was an instant turn-off to me and pretty much ended our night.
I know what you're thinking, Just tell her no! But I genuinely want to please my wife and I'm hoping there's a way for me to get over this innate repulsion and see things from her perspective.
Sincerely,
Mommy Issues
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Mommy Issues,
While I understand your revulsion at what might feel like suddenly bringing your parents into your sex life, I do think it's important to first understand why people like it.
For most people, the word is not about parents, but what they represent - the emotional and psychological connotations.
Using the word 'mommy' or 'daddy' can often evoke feelings of safety, reassurance and comfort. It is often used to shift the power dynamic and neither term is uncommon in intimate situations where dominance and submission come into play.
A woman who wants to be called 'mommy' often signifies a woman who wants to feel confident and commanding.
With that said, no one should feel pressured to do anything they don't want to do in the bedroom.
Your reaction is understandable since, for you, it brings your mother into your sex life. However, it doesn't mean something is drastically wrong.
Rather, it is a communication and compatibility issue that the two of you need to deal with directly.
It's possible that for your wife, the nickname is playful, affectionate and perhaps even dominant. It may make her feel sexy or validated.
You should ask her - then tell her that you fully understand, but it makes you think of your actual mother and pulls you out of the moment. Perhaps there is another word or action that can bring out the same feelings in her without you having to use the word 'mommy.'
The important thing is that you do not shame her.
Once the two of you figure out what it is she gets from being called that word, I suspect you will easily come up with some alternatives - ones that don't give you the immediate ick.
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