PETER HITCHENS: Charles has lost control of the Andrew crisis - and it may bring down the Crown

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Back in November, after Prince Andrew was de-brothered and unPrinced by the King, I warned that it wouldn’t work. I said: ‘It will just get worse. The revolutionaries have sought and got real blood. The King is defenceless.’

Well, what did I tell you? The whole thing is now beyond the King’s control, and I suspect it will eventually tear what is left of the monarchy to bits. Without respect and dignity, the throne is just an uncomfortable chair, and the crown is just a rather heavy hat.

We are told that the Thames Valley Police (TVP) did not tell the King before they sent their celebrity squad to Norfolk to conduct their spectacular arrest. I believe this. And it was a needlessly melodramatic public humiliation of the kind British police now specialise in, having copied it from the USA.

They can’t yet parade Andrew in chains in an orange jumpsuit. Some ancient judge of the old school might argue that was prejudicial. But those pictures of the former prince, haggard in the back of a car after hours in custody, will do quite well.

And what a change it must have made from not solving hundreds of burglaries in the actual Thames Valley. In the year to March 2025 there were 6,819 burglaries in the TVP area. Home Office Crime Summary figures show a ‘positive outcome’ in just 733 of those cases. 

Charles is struggling to control the fallout from Andrew's links to Epstein, writes Peter Hitchens

Still, congratulations to TVP on getting to Sandringham first. Lots of other forces have also been probing the Andrew case. How they must have gnashed their teeth on Thursday morning when they found that the boys from TVP had beaten them to it.

I fully expect the police forces of Toytown, Trumpton and Dock Green to join in soon, perhaps on the basis that Jeffrey Epstein’s plane once flew through their airspace. Well, jolly good. There are few things that are more fun for the authorities than pursuing the pariah of the moment.

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It all helps to take attention away from the burglaries and the epidemic drug-taking that they can’t seem to handle. And when times are hard, it’s good for us to have someone we can really, really despise, being put through various sorts of shame and misery. But beware – those who are keenest on this process are the anti-monarchists.

They have long sought this moment. They know the trafficking of vulnerable girls and all the rest of the horrors of the Epstein empire, are also committed by the sort of people Left-wing anti-monarchists admire. But that is not the point. The point is to discredit and sweep away the old order.

Britons like being locked up

New Channel 5 drama The Curfew, in which all males are forced to stay indoors after dark

If I had a hat, I would tip it to the Daily Mail’s TV reviewer, Christopher Stevens, for spotting something very important about the new Channel 5 drama The Curfew. 

This is set in a future Britain where hardline feminists have managed to impose a law forcing all males to stay indoors after dark, on pain of instant imprisonment. 

Absurd? Far-fetched? Well, it is – until you remember that in March 2020 the Government successfully ordered us all to stay at home, and we obeyed.

How did Letby cops manage media?

Topped by a lurid picture of a grinning human skull, the publicity flyer urged police homicide investigators to buy tickets for a conference in Washington DC, at the enjoyable Hyatt Regency Capitol Hill Hotel.

A publicity flyer from the US conference

Non-members of the International Homicide Investigators Association (IHIA) could sign up for £440, including entry to a lengthy session (three hours and 20 minutes) on ‘Operation Hummingbird UK – Nurse serial killer investigation’. This is of course the Lucy Letby case. 

The programme promised the participation of four of Cheshire Police’s top officers, Detective Superintendent Paul Hughes, Detective Chief Inspector Nicola Evans, Detective Superintendent Simon Blackwell and Detective Sergeant Danielle Stonier. This was in August 2024. What did they say? Who paid? Cheshire’s Finest won’t tell me, and nor will the IHIA.

But the programme notes tend to support my view that spin-doctoring – some of it at closed press conferences for selected journalists – played a large part in the Letby prosecution. Attendees were promised discussion of ‘management of the case through trial and verdicts. Also the strategic management of the investigation, media and stakeholders.’

I am not sure why a prosecution would need ‘managing’ by the police, whose job is to impartially investigate alleged crimes and come up with evidence for the prosecution. And I really don’t like the sound of ‘strategic management’ of the media. Isn’t that what Peter Mandelson did for Sir Anthony Blair?

I love museums (many people say I belong in one) and one of my favourites is our own glorious National Gallery in London. 

But a peculiar thing has happened to it, making it less pleasant to visit. Almost all the gentlemen’s lavatories have been modernised so that they no longer have urinals, but instead have lockable cubicles. The result, predictably, is queues outside the gents, a previously unknown problem.

I have always felt sorry for women, for having to suffer this all the time. But I can’t see that imposing it on men helps women, or anybody else. 

The Gallery say: ‘This reconfiguration of our toilet facilities enables us to make better use of the existing space while responding to demand, improving accessibility.’ Weirdly, they add: ‘The decision to move to fully cubicle-based facilities was informed by maintaining physical distancing following Covid-19,’ which is surely over.

Among their other justifications is this, which says much about Britain in 2026: ‘Cubicles provide a private, enclosed space, which supports individuals who experience anxiety or prefer greater privacy.’