I have the perfect loyal husband... but I just can't shake this terrible kinky thought. The guilt is eating me - though surely other wives will understand: DEAR JANE
Dear Jane,
My husband is the most amazing man.
He is loving, a great father to our young child and does all the cooking and cleaning so that when I come home from a long work day, I don't have to lift a finger.
I should be totally satisfied in my marriage... but I have a confession.
I have developed an office crush on a coworker.
It started as harmless work banter, which then became happy hour drinks, then constant texting.
Now, admittedly, I think I have the hots for him. When I see him at his desk, I even get butterflies!
Is it the proximity? The convenience? The illicit nature of it all?
We're not even having an affair, and I'm pretty sure this crush is one-sided, but I feel immensely guilty nonetheless.
My husband is stable and good to me - so why do I want to rip the pants off my coworker?
Sincerely,
Cubicle Crush
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Cubicle Crush,
We often assume that finding a wonderful partner is the beginning of our happy ever after, and, perhaps most importantly, that we will never fancy anyone ever again.
But the truth is, even the best marriages will start to feel bland after a while.
We forget that they once gave us butterflies, that first flush of love, instead settling into calm, peaceful domesticity. It is lovely, if not very exciting.
We are married, not dead, and when someone pays us attention again, it creates a dopamine hit.
Suddenly, often for the first time in ages, we feel alive again, beautiful, excited. We continue the banter, telling ourselves we’d never have an affair, but we want just one more text, one more flirty chat, just that dopamine can be released to make us feel on top of the world.
But there is a momentum to flirting, which builds until, as you are discovering, you find yourself on the edge of the precipice. And most people who have jumped off the edge of that precipice will tell you afterwards that it was not worth it.
They blow up their lives, ruining good marriages, devastating people they love. And more often than not the affair goes sideways, leaving them looking at the rubble of what was once a beautiful, peaceful life.
Flirtations are so delicious because they are not real. It is all a fantasy, and so much more exciting than your lovely but perhaps rather boring - at least by comparison - husband waiting at home with a delicious meal.
Just remember: the grass is always greener where we water it.
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