My friend's husband texted the photo and five shocking words. So many men will say it's harmless, but it's time to expose this rampant new cheating trend: JANA HOCKING

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At a friend's BBQ recently, I was joking about the 'grey sweatpants theory' - that cheeky bit of internet folklore about how women apparently melt when a man's tracksuit pants show a little outline.

It was all in good fun, everyone laughed and I moved on with my day.

That night, one of the husbands from the BBQ decided to send me a photo of himself in grey sweatpants that left little to the imagination along with, 'Does this work for you? Haha.'

No. 'Haha.' It didn't.

I had just been the target of micro-cheating in its purest form: a tiny moment someone hopes won't be noticed but would absolutely devastate their partner if they knew.

Yes, it's a thing and it's rampant.

It wasn't the first, or even the most egregious, example I've experienced. Late last year, a senior male executive in the entertainment industry invited me to lunch to pitch a project he supposedly wanted me to host.

It all sounded very exciting. A date was set, and I arrived ready to dazzle him.

One of the husbands decided to send me a photo of himself in grey sweatpants that left little to the imagination along with, 'Does this work for you? Haha'

I had just been the target of micro-cheating in its purest form: a tiny moment someone hopes won't be noticed but would absolutely devastate their partner if they knew

Despite having never met before, he greeted me with a hug that felt slightly too familiar but fell within the bounds of 'industry friendly.'

When he asked, 'What are we drinking?', I suggested a glass of rosé, and he ordered a bottle.

Over the next two hours, he gave me a detailed tour through his childhood, creative dreams, his divorce, the lessons life had taught him and a long list of tangents that had absolutely nothing to do with the show he was supposedly there to pitch.

Curiously, the one thing he didn't mention was that he had remarried.

By the time we had worked our way through two bottles of wine, he finally acknowledged that he hadn't touched on the 'work stuff' at all and suggested we meet again so he could explain it.

Within a few hours, the messages began. At first, they were polite thank yous and comments about how he felt we had 'a great vibe,' but they kept coming and grew more personal each time.

He wrote to me on Christmas Day. He wrote again on New Year's Eve. He checked in constantly, 'just touching base about the project' that never became any clearer.

Spoiler alert: the project evaporated into thin air.

There was no dramatic flirtation, no physical advance, no obvious moment where he crossed a line but, looking back, the whole interaction felt not quite right.

Relationship Counsellor, Jill Anderson, put it to me like this: 'Emotional intimacy is still intimacy. People underestimate how powerful it is because it doesn't look like cheating, but it feels like it to the person who discovers it.'

The thing is, once you understand the dynamic, you start recognizing it everywhere.

The men who have popped into your DMs while their wife features prominently in their profile picture.

Late-night fire emoji's that appear under an Instagram story that were, 'just supporting your work.'

Long, rambling check-ins that gradually inch toward intimacy. The little notes of admiration that would be deeply uncomfortable for their partner to read.

Flattering selfies sent to someone who isn't your partner; private coffees or lunches that go unmentioned at home; inside jokes and daily check-ins.

Liking or reacting to someone's thirst-trap photos, then unliking them later so your partner won't notice.

Flirting with bartenders, servers or gym trainers; keeping a 'friendship' with someone you're attracted to and leaving that person out of conversations with your partner – and your partner out of conversations with that person.

It turns into drinks after work and a long emotionally intimate conversation about everything that is wrong within a relationship.

It turns into drinks after work and a long emotionally intimate conversation about everything that is wrong within a relationship

And then that infamous line: 'My wife won't sleep with me anymore.'

It's always delivered quietly, almost with a sense of resignation, as if this single problem at home explains why he's suddenly cultivating a connection elsewhere.

This, according to Anderson, is 'doorway rationalization.'

She explained: 'People say it not to inform you, but to give themselves permission to continue a connection they already know is inappropriate.'

Anderson told me: 'Secrecy is the thing that gives behavior its meaning.' And honestly, that's the entire issue in one sentence.

I don't think people should automatically leave their partner over this kind of behavior, but I do think they should take it seriously.

It's often the early sign that something is shifting in the relationship and ignoring it only allows the gap to widen.

Micro-cheating isn't an affair. It's the rehearsal space for one. And it can feel almost more confusing than a straightforward betrayal, because there's no single moment you can point to and say: 'That was it.'

Instead, it lives in a place between what you'd happily explain to your partner and what you quietly hope they never see.

And let's be honest, deep down, most people know when they're crossing a line – time to name it and admit it.